[Fic] "Ashes"

[lux_tuli]

Title: "Ashes"

Fandom: Supernatural

Rating: Teen

Pairing(s): Lucifer x Sam Winchester

Characters: Lucifer, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel, Dean Winchester

Word Count: 2,578

Summary: [AU set during season 11] Ever since Lucifer had been tossed back into the Cage, he has been experiencing hallucinations of Gabriel. Unfortunately for him, the hallucinations persist even as he walks the earth again.

Originally posted: February 24, 2016

It had all first started when his true vessel had dragged him along with Michael down into the Cage, the last place he ever wanted to return.

 

The Cage had been designed for him as punishment for his transgressions and the countless years that he had spent down during his first stay there had nearly drove him mad. Cut off from the family that he held dear, there was no way to pass the time other than nitpicking at his own thoughts and memories. The Mark had continued to prod at him inside the cramped confines, enticing him into rage as his grace spilled out in the form of a chilly explosion, coating the bars completely in ice.

 

Passing the Mark on to Cain had only been a temporary relief, its damage had already left a lasting impact on Lucifer. As if that had not been enough, for the Morningstar to be just ashes of his former self, all his glory and beauty plucked away by a corruption that his pride would never dare to admit.

 

But no, now he was faced with persistent hallucinations of the dear younger brother that he had killed inside the Elysian hotel. Gabriel.

 

Lucifer could hardly concentrate on venting his anger out on Michael or Sam Winchester with the image of Gabriel mocking him.

 

Initially, he had thought that this was perhaps another means that which the Cage had found to torture him, contrary to popular belief it was not some pleasant summer home that offered peace or comfort. Far from it, actually.

 

The damage that the Darkness had down upon being released had allowed Lucifer to let parts of his grace to slip out through the cracks of the Cage. Reaching out for just anything that could lead to him breaking out of his prison once more. He knew Sam would never willingly consent again to being his vessel so he orchestrated what he could so that his true vessel would be led back to him.

 

Gabriel berated him for lying to Sam since he made a promise during the Apocalypse of never lying or hurting him. Though, Lucifer argued that he was not claiming to be their Father but Sam had just assumed (and Lucifer not bothering to correct him). Besides, it was true, at least partially. He could help defeat dear old aunty Amara.

 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You can lie to everybody else and even try to deceive yourself but you can’t to me. We couldn’t defeat her before so what makes this time any different, huh? Dad’s probably hiding out on some remote island. Rafey and I are dead. Mikey’s just a shadow of his former self. And you’re no longer the wondrous Morningstar that was the envy of the entire Host. You’re nothing more than a tired out useless pile of ashes.” Gabriel seethed as he clenched his teeth. That face scrunched up with such anger was not his brother. It was a mockery of him, dishonoring his memory.

 

Oh, Gabriel might have been the youngest of all the archangels and perhaps chose the shortest vessel to inhabit but he could be full of wrath when he wanted to be. God’s messenger was no pushover. However, he always kept that sweet charm about him.

 

“Shut up, you’re not real!” Lucifer snarled out, pounding his fist against the walls of the Cage. Michael had lifted his head and given him a look but offered no comment. The two of them no longer fought and in its place an awkward silence had persisted over them.

 

However, once he managed to escape the Cage via possessing the vessel of his younger brother, Castiel, Lucifer unfortunately discovered that the hallucinations persisted. It was unusual for an angel to possess a vessel while another angel was still inhabiting it but it worked. Essentially it functioned like Lucifer was in the driver’s seat of a vehicle with Castiel relaxing on the backseat.

 

Though while Lucifer was in total control of their body, it did not stop Castiel from talking to him, especially when he took notice of his hallucinations springing up. If he did not know any better, Lucifer would say that his younger brother’s tone conveyed a sincere amount of concern.

 

He had just snapped Rowena’s neck, a preventive measure to ensure that he would never be sent back to the Cage again, and Castiel had not offered any complaint, apparently not caring much for the witch either. But it was the vision of Gabriel standing there with his arms crossed in front of him, lecturing him about treating people as nothing more than pawns.

 

“You’re such a monster, Lucifer. You claim to love your family but how can you when all you do is manipulate people for your own ends and then slaughter them when they have outlived their usefulness to you. Those so called feelings of yours are nothing more than an elaborate ruse. No wonder why you killed me without hesitation” Lucifer wanted nothing more than to scream back at him at how that wasn’t the truth at all and that he had been crying when he stabbed Gabriel but he had a cowering Crowley to deal with so he kept on the mask of indifference and condescension. Little did he want the usurper of his throne to get any notion to think he was mentally unstable, which he wasn’t.

 

“ ...how long have you been seeing Gabriel like this? ” Castiel had inquired later when they were finally alone, stretching out their body on a park bench.

 

“ Ever since Sam took his grand swan dive. ” He admitted truthfully.

 

Lucifer had imagined that Castiel would harbor a great deal of contempt towards him for killing him after the molotov incident and how he ruined so much of the Winchesters’ lives, both of whom he had cared deeply about, but he surprised him. There were no comments of how he deserved it for his crimes. Instead, what he got was sympathetic understanding and it felt so wrong.

 

“ I knew that no human could withstand the Cage. When Sam’s soul was finally reunited with his body...he was traumatized by vivid hallucinations...of… ” Castiel fumbled with his words.

 

“ Of me .” Lucifer finished for him. If he had not already taken a stroll down Sam’s memories, which had filled in all the gaps about went on topside while he was locked up, he probably could have guessed anyways.

 

“ Yes….but to think that an archangel would crumble, it’s horrifying to imagine. ” Lucifer clenched his fists to quell his rising anger. Castiel probably meant well but he felt insulted. Very much like how he had refused to admit that the Mark had been his undoing, he did not want to admit the significant impact that the Cage had on his psyche.

 

“ I may be fallen but I’m still very much whole, thank you very much Castiel. At least I can still use my wings .” Lucifer snarled out bitterly. The only good thing about the Cage was that it had shielded him from the lingering effects of Metatron’s spell, the same could not be said for his angelic siblings.

 

Lucifer knew that the arsenal inside his crypt would not be nearly enough to go up against Amara but he had a newfound hope when he learned about the supposed Hand of God from the Winchesters, that was exactly the type of edge he needed. Maybe he had expected better out of his former vessel but Lucifer was surprised that neither brother had caught on to him, though perhaps his act as Castiel was too good, flawless maybe.

 

It was not only unbearable to be in their presence, pretending to be their friend when he had previously stood in front of them as their immortal enemy, but he was constantly distracted by Sam’s soul singing out to his grace to become one in addition to the hallucination of Gabriel that plagued him like a disease conjured by Pestilence. It was due to the connection shared between angel and true vessel. Even if Sam was currently unaware, his soul would always recognize him no matter what form he took.

 

“Oh look, Luci has a one-sided crush on the guy that keeps rejecting him!” Gabriel taunted him. It was not so much that Lucifer harbored romantic feelings towards his true vessel but more along the lines that they were meant to be together as Sam was literally made for him. A perfect union, at least that was how it was supposed to be.

 

Lucifer paid the hallucination no mind while they continued to discuss their plans to retrieve the Hand of God. He had half a mind to simply drop off Dean on the submarine, take the item for himself, and return back to the bunker leaving Michael’s true vessel behind so he could then deal with Sam. However, Lucifer had not been expecting a ward around the submarine that bounced him off like he was a rubber ball. He landed not so gracefully in the ocean.

 

With a growl, he flew himself back to the bunker, loathing the feeling of being soaking wet while Gabriel laughed at his misfortune. Sure, he might have enjoyed nature and appreciated its beauty but having a wet vessel was not a pleasant feeling at all. Thankfully, he was easily able to find a towel to dry himself off while Sam bombarded him with questions pertaining to Dean and what had happened.

 

Lucifer had prided himself on his ability to pretend to be just about anybody but when Sam started to throw absurd ideas at him, he could feel his mask starting to slip and started rolling his eyes. He thought that his true vessel was better than this but he supposed that his mind was clouded by concern for Dean.

 

He lost it while working on the spell to remove wards when Sam freely offered him his soul to use. The whole hilarity of Sam saying “I trust you” when he did not even know that Castiel was no longer in charge and the laughter erupted out of his lips.

 

“I don’t need you anymore. I mean Dean’s the one with the link to Amara. Why have I been trying to spare you?” He spoke, dropping the Castiel act entirely but even still he was only talking in half truths. Sure, he had given up on trying to get Sam as his vessel after all his attempts had ended in failure. But he knew why he had been sparing Sam, it was the very same reason why he lied when he had told him that he had never liked him and why his first plan to get Sam back was to be nice.

 

Somehow, despite how Sam despised him and worked against him, he had developed a soft spot for his true vessel, which Lucifer would not dare to call it love. He blamed it entirely on the connection between them.

 

“You can’t love remember? You’re simply mistaking your possessiveness for it. You’re like a little kid with their prized toy. Not to mention that you break your toys when done with them.” Gabriel nagged at him. He just wanted him to shut up and leave him alone after insisting how wrong he was. The Mark had drove him mad enough as it was, he did not need this hallucination making it even worst.

 

Lucifer had easily pinned Sam up against the column and he could feel Castiel struggling to regain control in fear that he was going to kill Sam. But in haste to drown out Gabriel, he rested his hand on the back of Sam’s neck pulling him forward as his free hand reached out to touch his soul. The comforting feeling of familiarity washed over him as his grace relished the proximity to Sam’s soul.

 

But he did not stop there. Lucifer leaned forward so that their lips met each other. He caught a glimpse of Sam’s eyes widening in shock before he closed his own, trying to concentrate on the sensation. Castiel’s yells of protest at the thought of hurting Sam had transformed into muffles of confusion at the kiss. He did not respond to his younger brother as he savored the warmth radiating from Sam.

 

When Lucifer stepped back, finally breaking off the kiss and withdrawing his hand from Sam’s soul, Gabriel was nowhere in sight, though he knew it was not permanent. He wiped off the moisture that accumulated around his lips with the end of Castiel’s sleeve while Sam just gaped at him.

 

“What...what was that?” Sam croaked out, a flush of red covering his face as if he had just been running a marathon. Lucifer pressed a finger to his lips, shushing him.

 

“Not now.” He still had the matter of Dean and the Hand of God to attend to but even then Lucifer was not willing to readily divulge his feelings, even if that kiss had spoken volumes on its own.

 

True to his word, Lucifer had retrieved Dean and brought him back to the present. Sam was visibly relieved to see his brother was safe then started hurling questions at Lucifer, everything but the kiss they shared, while he inspected the Hand of God, to his disappointment all its power was gone. There was nothing left that could be extracted. When Dean had realized what Sam was saying, he got angry and grabbed him by the front of his jacket demanding what happened to Castiel.

 

“ Lucifer...let me talk to Dean please. ” His younger brother pleaded.

 

“ And say what exactly? He’s not going to be happy so long as I’m in here . Nothing I say is going to convince him otherwise .” Lucifer was not as oblivious as Castiel. He could tell how much Dean cared about his younger brother and how it went beyond simple platonic feelings because he looked at him the same way that he looked at Sam.

 

“Oh look, the cat’s finally out of the bag. That didn’t take long, did it? You must be losing your touch. And you know what they are going to do? They are going to find a way to toss your ass back into the Cage so you better savior your brief stay on the surface while you can.” Gabriel cackled and Lucifer clenched his teeth together as the hallucination put a damper on his mood.

 

He was not going to let it goad him into doing something he would probably regret later so he flew back to the warehouse which served as the headquarters for his demonic minions and reclined himself on top of his throne.

 

Lucifer tried to convince himself that the Hand of God was just a minor setback, that he could find some other way to stop her.

 

“Just give up. There’s no hope for you. I don’t even understand why you are bothering to try to help save this planet when you hate humans and all you do is cause destruction. Shouldn’t you be joining up with dear old aunty Amara instead? Or maybe you have deluded yourself into believing there is some semblance of good lingering deep down inside of you underneath all those charred remains? Please, you’re the Devil, there’s nothing good left.” Gabriel whispered into his ears as he scrunched his eyes shut.

 

“Now, now, you know that I won’t go away that easily.” The twisted laughter echoed through his ears.